The Empire strikes back to set the record straight…
Fleeing space cruisers obliterared. Sand people and farmers eradicted. Rebel fighters annihiliated. If not for the Force, the Empire would have had a clean sweep against all who oppose them. Though I feel that many still aren’t convinced that Imperial Stormtroopers are nothing more than a cabal of interstellar buffoons incapable of achieving their goals.
“What led to the destruction of the Death Star was due to bad luck and poor construction, and had NOTHING to do with us Stormtroopers. As my wintery brethren-in-arms so succinctly demonstrated on Hoth, when Stormtroopers come to get you, you get got.”
“Pure rubbish. If Stormtroopers are so infallible, how did we manage to make it off Cloud City, where again, just like on Hoth, we were literally in your clutches?”
“Silence, rebel scum! We don’t have to explain ourselves to the likes of you.”
The princess does make a point. Even with Cloud City on lockdown and overrun by Imperial troops, the princess and her allies still managed to escape and retreat to the safety of the Rebel fleet.
“Fine… OK… I admit, narrow hallways make for quite the obstacle in a firefight, even for those with the marksmanship and precision only found in a Stormtrooper. The six of you were lucky to escape!”
“Six? There were only three of us.”
I too only recall three Rebel heroes escaping from Bespin. Are you going to blame this particular failure on the thin Cloud City atmosphere, and claim that you Stormtroopers were seeing double?
“Yes, we were seeing double, but not because of the lack of oxygen at such high altitude. Ok look… We got to Cloud City just before the Rebel CRIMINALS arrived, and in our idle time, I’m willing to admit that we may have had a bit too much of the City Administrator’s… hospitality.”
“Rule #1, always have plenty of Colt 45. Rule #2, see Rule #1.”
“We should be mad at that man for his betrayal and transgressions against the Empire, but damn he’s smooth!”
