The Empire Strikes Out: Part 1

The time has come for the Stormtroopers to set the record straight.

Fleeing space cruisers obliterared. Sand people and farmers eradicted. Rebel fighters annihiliated. If not for the Force, the Empire would have had a clean sweep against all who oppose them. Though I feel that many still aren’t convinced that Imperial Stormtroopers are nothing more than a cabal of interstellar buffoons incapable of achieving their goals.

Star Wars Mighty Muggs Imperial Snowtrooper
“Pure propaganda, if not outright lies! Might I remind you how swiftly the Empire struck back? We made quick work of the rebel scum and squashed them like the vermin they were on Hoth. Flawless victory!”
Star Wars Mighty Muggs Princess Leia and Chewbacca
“Ha! Despite the Empire’s best efforts, we still eluded your vile grip.”
Star Wars Mighty Muggs Imperial Snowtrooper
“Button it, criminal!”

The princess makes a good point. Despite the relative ease and swiftness in which the Empire crushed the Rebel installation on Hoth, Princess Leia, who had to be number one on the Empire’s list of most wanted, still managed to escape!

Star Wars Mighty Muggs Imperial Snowtrooper
“Granted, the arch-traitor Senator Organa eluded our grasp that day, but it was hardly the fault of us noble Stormtroopers. We would have easily captured her, if not for someone, and I’ll say no names, from upper management let their breathing problem and penchant for always WALKING in front cost us the precious seconds we needed in order to set up our mega blaster.”
Star Wars Mighty Muggs Darth Vader and Snowtrooper
“What did you just say, trooper?”
Star Wars Mighty Muggs Darth Vader and Imperial Snowtrooper
“N… Nothing, my lord.”

The Stormtroopers makes some valid points. If not for Darth Vader’s deliberate actions on the Death Star, and again personally impeding the path of his own troops here on Hoth, Princess Leia and crew would never have gotten away. It’s fair to say that in every situation, every Rebel victory has been all Vader’s fault!

Star Wars Mighty Muggs Darth Vader
“WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY, INTERVIEWER?”

N… nothing, my lord!