Mighty Muggs Moments

Best-laid Plans

January 4, 2021
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Welcome to Cobra Corner, with your host and rightful ruler, Cobra Commander!

Mighty Muggs GI Joe Cobra Commander
“Thank you for tuning in. Not that you have any choice as I’m broadcasssting this to every televisssion acrosss the globe. My guessst today: Emperor Palpatine.”
Mighty Muggs Cobra Commander and Star Wars Emperor Palpatine
“Greetings, Commander. Thank you for having me on your exceptional program.”
Mighty Muggs Cobra Commander and Star Wars Emperor Palpatine
“Emperor, you were once the undisputed ruler of a mighty empire that ssspaned across the cosssmos. What happened?”
Mighty Muggs Cobra Commander and Star Wars Emperor Palpatine
“One the eve of total victory against the pitiful Rebel Alliance, I was betrayed by Lord Vader.”
Mighty Muggs Cobra Commander and Star Wars Emperor Palpatine
“We’ve all been there. Never trust a guy in a metal mask! So you were murdered by your once faithful lackey?”
Mighty Muggs Cobra Commander and Star Wars Emperor Palpatine
“Yes. But I got better.”
Mighty Muggs Cobra Commander and Star Wars Emperor Palpatine
“I am so pleasssed. And what can you tell us about your latest ssscheme?”
Mighty Muggs Cobra Commander and Star Wars Emperor Palpatine
“Well, even though I was cast down into a fiery pit, unbeknownst to my enemies I had sired a son who begat me a granddaughter who lived in abject obscurity until a chance encounter with a clone of whom was assumed to be my successor… “
Mighty Muggs Cobra Commander and Star Wars Emperor Palpatine
“…But was actually of no importance at all as revealed when I broadcasted my return to the entire galaxy just before I revealed a fleet of spaceships that lied dormant underground each with a full crew and compliment of zealots for 20 years…”
Mighty Muggs Cobra Commander and Star Wars Emperor Palpatine
“…Until I could possess the body of the aforementioned granddaughterand and regain my rightful throne from the grandson of the man who betrayed me even though I was manipulating him all along…”
Mighty Muggs Cobra Commander and Star Wars Emperor Palpatine
“…And now that I say it out loud it all seems rather foolish and full of nonsensical contrivances destined to fail.”
Mighty Muggs Cobra Commander and Star Wars Emperor Palpatine
“Hey, I once tried to conquer America with a heavy metal band and rocket-armed burger jointsss, so who am I to judge. But I think you will agree with an asssssessment of the most obvious and subsequently critical flaw in your plan…”
Mighty Muggs Cobra Commander and Star Wars Emperor Palpatine
“A failure to capitalize on audience synergy with a direct-to-consumer marketing campaign.”
Mighty Muggs Cobra Commander and Star Wars Emperor Palpatine
“Err… I’m afraid I don’t follow…”
Mighty Muggs Cobra Commander and Star Wars Emperor Palpatine
“The sight of your mighty fleet emerging from the rubble made for excellent visssuals, and the lightning was an essspecially nice touch too, but who does this armada represent? The First Order? The Empire? No one knowsss who you are.”
Mighty Muggs Cobra Commander and Star Wars Emperor Palpatine
“Whenever I unleash a hoard of HISS Tanks and Battle Podsss upon the unsssuspecting sssimpering massssses, my troopsss absolutely make sure to yell “COBRA!” so even in the event that GI Joe thwarts our scheme, we still continue to build the brand, and THAT can be a victory onto itself.”
Mighty Muggs Cobra Commander and Star Wars Emperor Palpatine
“Now I know.”
Mighty Muggs Cobra Commander and Star Wars Emperor Palpatine
“And knowing isss half the battle.”
Mighty Muggs Cobra Commander and Star Wars Emperor Palpatine
“I know that’s the catch phrase of those accursed Joesss, but I’m a villain, ssso I’m stealing it! THIS HASSS BEEN COBRA CORNER!”

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